Sunday, February 25, 2007

Victims of domestic violence : Face or fight it ?

‘Instead of suffering quietly, victims of domestic violence, in the form of Verbal abuse, mental harrasement, economical abuse, continous nagging , realtionship cheating ..etc.. should try to look for means to face from such atrocities by face or fighting against it’, said a Indian Husabnd who himself had been such a victim for 18 years. Indian Husabnd must take the future Plan seriously , as till date they prefers to live it to thier wife's hand only.

After having suffered domestic violence in the hands of his own wife for 18 years just for the sake of his children, Anil Kumar (name changed on request) is today a ‘liberated Men’ in his own rights.Growing up in an urban family, Anil Kumar studied till class XI with Home Science as his optional subject from TG Higher Secondary School, Imphal.

It was in 1977 while he was preparing for appearing in his class XII final examination, he fall in love with his wife and got married to the same lady who is also from urban area.They gave birth to one son and one daughter.However, first child was killed by his wife before she able to take see this world by her Doctor Friends at Kolkata and Anil's cry at bath room , had never noticed by any one , the moment his wife says : She is not a Child Making Machine and this child she do not want as the same failure of Saftey measure Anil used .

Since early childhood, Anil was very efficient in all work and sympathetic of Indian women like millions of Indian Men , though the LAW makers and male hater National Comission of Women ( NCW) think all Indian men by born itself either a Rapist or a Criminal only.

Anil's wife remained most of time away from home and picked up the habit of drinking and spending more time with his new Boss Mr. M K Raiyala , whose wife just end her life due to his desprate love towards his office women staff .The income earned by her was not given for any small support to thier family. Most of the money spend on her dimond ring, club party , TIKKLA drink and offcourse 555 .

Some of his friend do not forget to mention him , that some body builder also seen in thier flat , when ever he used to go out of Country for his office Projects.In such a situation, the onus of looking after the family and bringing up their children fell squarely on the shoulders of Anil who took up a 9 to 6 job at Delhi and left the Job of Bangalore as the job demands him to go out of Country frequently.Inspite of all the trouble from every corner of the house, the daughter able to became a Doctor and the son became a IIT Engineer and both today are settled at UK.

Despite working , Anil’s wife asked money from his for her sister engament , mother's club party in the form of high cost Dimond Items and some time Anil' have to Purcahse the same by using his Credit card ( still he kept all the bill in his small bag of the office ) , to avoid any unnecessery abuse from his wife in front of thier child.If refused to comply with her demand, Anil would be termed as "Bikahri" , he shopuld not have married a women like her , he had spoiled her life , his mother should teach him before marrige that how to keep happy a Urban Women ..etc. were more than frequent.

And she never forget to mention that inspite of Mr. MK is not her husabnd, how much care he do for Anil's wife .‘One day, when Anil refused to give the gift to his wife for her his usual demand, she grabbed the knife and say : "I will cut the Hand and will call the 100 and you will be behind the bar . Just think are you ready to give me the gift or not ?"Seeing that Anil's daughter rushed in to save the dispute , between mum and dad."My wife kicked her in the bed's side corner and she started to cry : Please dad give the gift mum want .. please , otherwise she will not stop beat us ."

Anil go to market and purcahse the 4th dimond ring for his wife by his credit card.

‘On top of fihgt in the family, constant fights and domestic violence in the family has induced my daughter to suffer from mental problem. Then one day I decided to send her to a Bording school at Bangalore . Since the day she went to boarding school , never ever came back to home as she prefers to meet me in her friends house at Mumbai in holidays.Instead of visiting her, my wife used to pick up fights and even told her to die, as she used to love her dad a lot.

Her condition improved gradually and able to find a Mr. Right , both got married and went to USA recently. Anil recounted while trying to control his tears at Air port.On one occasion, his son run away from home saying he was fed up with penury of the family and his mother's dirty behaviour, as his all friends do not forget to term his mother as a worse than "Whore".

Recounting this incident, Anil said, "After my son did not return home till late night, I went all round looking for him and at last found him laying supine on the dry bed of the river."I held my son close and we both cried’.‘We have spend many nights with empty stomach."I had also spend a lot of Night at Car Back seat instead of bed room .

It was a rutine for me after 12.00PM of mid night ."Whenever I tried to say to my office friends , they always blame me and shut my mouth saying I should resign to my fate whether my wife is good or bad."My parents and sister also continously try to convience Anil that he should not be separated for the sake of the children.

Neither court or society will term him as a responsible father . So he should try to fulfill his wife's demand as much as possible without any objection and one day she will understand her mistake .After having gone through all these harrowing experiences, Anil got the opportunity of attending a programme of "Save Indian family " organised at Delhi by SIF volenters .

This particular incident was a turning point in his life.

Anil started having new hope in his life and found new friends and guides who understood his problem.By that time, all are children have also grown up and started earning income.They could ignore the nagging of their Mum and live their life without her nagging.

Today, Anil participates in various Travel tour held in the country as well as abroad with his previous earning , which now he had kept in the Mutual Fund and as last two month he left the job and started his own Travel Business at Bangalore.In recognition of his talent, ITA invites him from time to time to conduct training on crafts and embroidery for the members of various SHGs.

He has also been imparting training on regular basis to the Family members of the NGOs like EMA being run by Asha Kiran for the welfare of Indian scoiety .A confident looking Anil Kumar said victims of domestic violence should not remain quite and they should lodge complaint to the Police and start use the techonology like voice reording, viedo recording , as Indian Domestic Violence LAW consider that all the Husabnd are wife beater and all wife are the Victim.

The burden of proof to prove your self innocent onto you , where as your wife's own verbal statement is sufficient to freeze your bank account and thrown from your own house.. yes Indian LAW does not treated like this way with a Hard core "Terrorist " also .

A terrorist also have the right to stay in thier own house or use thier own money from thier own bank accout for thier living , but for Indian Husabnd it is a crime .

So, A hard core terrorist have better social life than a Indian Husabnd. Domestic Violence Act too has been implemented all over India today, so they should not remain quiet and suffering , they must strat using the techonology , otherise they are going to be treat like a road Dog as till date we have not find a single Husband Shelter Home.He also advised victims of domestic violence to consult their problems with NGOs working for" Save Indian Family "and very soon they will be lonching the "Husabnd's Shelter Home in Banglore and Pune as said by Mr. Katti , one of the founder memebr of SIF and vice president of a well known IT Industry of Bangalore.

It is sad ,but that is the reality , Indian husabnds have to stay in "Railway Platform" or in "Husband Shelter Home " , inspite of spending all thier hard earned money to purchase the Dream Home at city like Bangalore/Delhi/Mumbai or Kolkata .

This is my Great India , A "Terrorist deserve a " better social life than a Indian Husabnd .
So let ask yourself first :"Victims of domestic violence : Face or fight it ?"

Check cross Post at : Sulekha.

Disclimer :This is totally writer personnel Views only. You may have different opinion. The name and place changed to protect the Persons Identity.


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