Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Effect of Divorce on Indian Men:

The effects of divorce differ by situation and personal circumstance and may be different for men and women.

Most dangerous stage for men is, waiting for divorce (maximum crime of spouse murder/suicide occurred) than after divorce. as marriage disputes in India, irrespective the man is right or wrong ,they had been abused, blackmailed, treated as Free ATM machine in front of society/police/court every where. In India marriage disputes had been termed as crime for men, not for women. Awaiting for divorce and the suicide stastics of crime bure report reflects the same.

Married men average suicide in the rang of 56000 vs married women 29000.
Divorced men vs divorced women suicide: 580:590.

• Crime Bure data 2005 : Married Men Sucide : 52k vs Married Women Sucide 28K.Still there is no LAW to Protect Men why?
• • 2006 Crime Bure Data : Married Men Sucide:55452 vs. Married Women Sucide:29869.
• • 2007 Crime Bure Data : Married Men Sucide:57593 vs. Married Women Sucide:30064.

After divorce the men’s life became more comfortable or worse, it depends purely on how troublesome was his marriage, what type of Divorce litigations he faced.

Perception shift:

Till 1990 or up to 2000, the basic perceptions were, a divorced woman is means she is a liberated women and a divorced men means he is a wife beater/abuser, thanks to special law 498A in 1983.

But 2000 onwards the same got changed and the society slowly accepted that A divorced men also can be victims of Domestic violence in terms of finciancial abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse , physical abuse and the same reflects in the Suicide stastics of Men vs Women. As the divorce rate will increase more and more the same perception change will increase more, some one like it or hate it that is the fact of irony.

Going through a divorce is never easy for anybody; however, there are certain effects of a failed marriage that occurs more often with men, than with women. When a marriage is about to be dissolved, emotions often runs high, and a lot of important financial decisions have to be made.
This is almost always a recipe for disaster. As a general rule: Never mix emotions and finances, or emotions and legal matters.

Effect of Divorce on Indian Men:

1. Finciancial effect: Huge loss irrespective the men is right or wrong.
2. Government support: Due to no men welfare ministry and no shelter homes, no one cares for men.
3. Emotional effect: Depend on type of trouble he faced, type of marriage they have, time spend together, child involved or not and the last think the type of divorce man got.
4. Loss of child access: Major problem and maximum divorced men suicide related to that.
5. Social effect: It is not exactly loss, his the social and networking circle got changed, attract towards more unclear family instead of joint family.
6. Future effect: Suicide after divorce: since 2004 it is decreasing.
7. JOB satisfactions: Get better and able to concentrate more on Professional front.

Personnel life:

1. Enjoy their work place much better than previous.
2. Spend more money for their self use/fun/enjoy/travel/satisfactions of life.
3. Get less angry for small issue.
4. Became less expected in life.
5. 90% men got remarried with in less than 3 years.

With the present set up , when the country like USA , who had more than 50% divorce, their child taken the initiative for marriage more workable and the divorce rate is reducing, the country like India and Asian country divorce is increasing and that is the hard reality, as we always think the rivers other side is better than our side.

Here are some of the experiences of men and women in divorce.

Situation in USA:

http://www.mediate.com/articles/Psych.cfm

Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce. Twenty-eight percent of all children are born of never married parents. Divorce is expensive. Aid for Dependent Children (AFDC) resources are drained by the needs of divorced and single parent families; including the cost of collecting child support.

For women:

1. Women initiate divorce twice as often as men
2. 90% of divorced mothers have custody of their children (even if they did not receive it in court)
3. 60% of people under poverty guidelines are divorced women and children
4. Single mothers support up to four children on an average after-tax annual income of $12,200
5. 65% divorced mothers receive no child support (figure based on all children who could be eligible, including never-married parents, when fathers have custody, and parents without court orders); 75% receive court-ordered child support (and rising since inception of uniform child support guidelines, mandatory garnishment and license renewal suspension)
6. After divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment in general than do men. The reasons for this are that (1) women are more likely to notice marital problems and to feel relief when such problems end, (2) women are more likely than men to rely on social support systems and help from others, and (3) women are more likely to experience an increase in self-esteem when they divorce and add new roles to their lives.
7. Women who work and place their children in child care experience a greater stigma than men in the same position. Men in the same position often attract support and compassion.

For men:

1. Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women. The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances, and the common interruption of the parental role.
2. Men remarry more quickly than women.
3. As compared to “deadbeat dads,” men who have shared parenting (joint legal custody), ample time with their children, and an understanding of and direct responsibility for activities and expenses of children stay involved in their children’s lives and are in greater compliance with child support obligations. There is also a greater satisfaction with child support amount when negotiated in mediation. Budgets are prepared, and responsibility divided in a way that parents understand.
4. Men are initially more negative about divorce than women and devote more energy in attempting to salvage the marriage.

With the learning from USA social impact, our aim and action as a commando of SIF movement should be to avoid the nasty divorce and promote more shared parenting, as though the society had more or less accepted the divorced men and women in open heart, but still there is some discrimination towards the divorced child.

If divorce is unavoidable, try to make the legal and financial matters strictly apart from the emotional matters, even if it tears you up inside, the alternative is a prolonged, expensive battle, that in many cases will make long lasting emotional scars on both sides, and prevent chances of a future reconciliation.

Statistically up to 15% of all divorcees end up reconciling with their former spouses, this figure could be higher if the divorce was handled in a friendly or even in a business-like manner.
Most important think is need to make the Divorce related law, less personal money earning business and less attractive and gender neutral policy/law, or be ready to increase the divorce rate and it is good or bad only future child will give the answers.

“Divorce is not the solution to a troubled marriage; but Indian men have very less choice, as there is no men well fare ministry who can think about them.

Thanks to India’s more than half dozens anti-male law and multiple litigations like 498A,DVact,CRPC125,Section24, Section18, biased adultrity LAW and lot more are on the way very soon!!! ”

This is called the present Justice system in India and equal right in India, made by congress Government.

For a wife even adultrity also is not a crime (it is a rewarding option and free money earning business for the whole life), but for a man even an allegation of “Name-calling” is crime and not only the man, his mother/sister/age-old father also can be put behind the bar under 498A or DV act.

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1 Comments:

At 3:08 PM, Blogger jaypee | enjayneer.com said...

Divorce its just so hard for the kids. when my parents separated, I was so doomed and very disappointed. But I just have to accept things as they are meant to happen. Good thing I got this planner/organizer from co-Parenting-Manager (http://4help.to/plan) which really helped me cope up with the situation. Their website is also perfect for parents and kids who are experiencing the dilemma of divorce.

 

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